hello : )

This is going to sound pretentious (and it hasn’t evaded me that this is the same way the story started), but the story has been telling me that it’s finished?

There is a ‘for now’ shadowing the end of that sentence. I’m not opposed to returning to it, adding a coda or epilogue. An unquantifiable number of ideas swirled inside of me about where this story could land. I have unanswered questions, but not the kind of unanswered questions that necessitate more writing. I suppose a piece of fiction exists within that beautifully frustrating space where it’s not something you perfectly “complete”. You let go, maybe to rediscover again when you’re a slightly different person, or after a bit more cooking time, or if the piece tells you it’s urgent.

A “finished” first story. I want to reiterate (as I said in an instagram post a couple weeks ago) that if you’re behind one, a few, or thirteen weeks, or if you were waiting to read everything in one sitting, there is no guilt about that. By all means, see these weeks as opportunities, moments to catch up. But I don’t want this to be another thing to feel behind on. I want it to be a joy to read/catch up.

As for the actual content of the upcoming two slash three newsletters: mixture of reflections on the cry list story (notes include: communications issues on my part, self-doubt, thankfulness for every human who read any fragment of it) and musing about the next “story” for the newsletter. The only aspect I am certain of is that whatever follows will contain significantly less instalments than fourteen.

When I first started writing I didn’t realise how much comprehensibility mattered. I wrote that I wanted people to have moments of “wanting to love more”. But it’s not a guarantee that people have that experience just because someone writes a story earnestly. My instinct is: no matter how lofty or mild the goals of fiction are, to achieve them there is a ‘threshold of sense’ which fiction needs to meet for the reader. What I would love, before the next “story” drops in a couple weeks from now (looking at 23/24 May), is if you could share a bit about your experience of reading the cry list. Were you eager to keep reading? Where did the story lose you? Where did you feel things? Did it even make sense? If a friend asked you “what have you been reading lately?” would you say the cry list? I want to listen to you no matter what you think about your authority/credibility in this space. Your insights are valuable because you read it. And so:

• if you read this in your inbox, as most of you do, you can reply to this email (despite the noreply sending address!), or you can just send me an email (tj@crylist.space), and I will very happily read it and reply : )
• only a fraction of people who receive the emails are connected to the instagram and that’s totally fine : ) but if instagram makes sense you can follow the account and send me a dm with your notes (@thecrylist)
• I will attempt to open commenting on this letter/on the website (although it’s unclear if I can do that in a way that does not open comments on all letters)
• with Wednesday’s newsletter (trying a different release cadence so I expect the newsletter to release on a wednesday for the following two weeks) there will be a survey which has specific questions about the story and the future of the project

I want you to be able to share those insights in whatever form energises you.

I also want those questions that arise for us as readers (or as friends) to go somewhere, that the ‘curiosity energy’ of a story is conserved in a satisfying way. Do not hesitate to ask about the cry list. About anythin. For inspiration and not prescription some examples are: why this dialogue/plot point/conflict; is there specific music corresponding to certain scenes; resemblance to real life; why did it end where it did; what to do next. I will attempt to answer any question either in the next two newsletters, or by replying in whatever medium you contact me. The current third most asked question: “have you been getting good feedback?”

What I also didn’t realise when starting this is that people would show me such kindness. People asking questions, sharing their immediate reactions, messaging me to say they laughed or felt some kind of way when they read a certain sentence. In a meeting a few weeks ago I shared that the highlight of my week was “a kind message from a friend”. The message was from one of you about part of the story. I just want to say thank you all for taking the risk to read the cry list.